Monday, December 26, 2016

The "M" Word

Now, before you read the title of this and your mind can go to the gutter for a swim, I'll give you a hint

"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togewah today."

"When I finally married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always."

I would include more funny quotes and puns...if I knew any more. As it is, I had to look these up. Because I'm not funny.

There's a risk of my thoughts going all over the place, so I apologize in advance. My mind first goes to another blogger whose post I read a few days ago. He was married, yet he mentions going through a divorce, alluding to the underlying reason of his coming out. I suppose that's his prerogative, and I'm definitely not in a position to criticize, especially knowing as little as I do. But he mentioned his disapproval of a relative who was engaged to a man to be sealed in the temple, which man openly admitted to his fiancee that he's same-sex attracted. His remark (the blogger's) is that he (the young man) is making the same mistake as he did.

I commented on this post of his, in as un-argumentative of a way as I could, in regards to my perspective, which is very different than his. I suspect my remarks won't be published there, but hey, I have my own blog for that sort of thing, right? This is my sentiment:

Who's to say that it's a mistake to enter into a mixed orientation marriage?

Now, allow me to elaborate. Not every person is going to be emotionally and spiritually prepared to be married at any given time. I know that if I got married tomorrow, it would be like getting dunked in a pool of ice water. But it won't always be that way for me, and it doesn't have to always be that way for anybody else. In any event, the eternities are available for the faithful. But if a man, generally attracted to other men, decides to marry a woman, who's to say that won't be the best decision of both of their lives?

However, I think these are indeed mistakes that ought to be avoided:

Lying about, or covering up important details of one's past, including before marriage;

Neglecting to be transparent with one's struggles and difficulties in the present;

Masking the true nature of one's sexual appetites and/or emotional needs;

Refusing to divulge acts of infidelity, past or present.

In other words, being in a mixed orientation marriage requires being especially vulnerable in order to be effective, and create the same sort of synergy that the best of marriages are capable of.

Quite bluntly put, putting aside severe acts of infidelity, if a woman is unable to handle a man being vulnerable about real difficulties and struggles that he goes through, then it would indeed be a mistake to take her to wife. Being fair, though, not every woman is capable of dealing with such things in a Christlike way. But that's what the "let's just be friends" card is for.

Now, moving on to my own personal feelings:

Call me brainwashed, call me indoctrinated, call me selfish--call me anything you want, but I am looking forward to having a woman I can call my wife one day.

Why is that, you may ask?

The best way I have come up with to explain that is that I want to get married for all the most noble reasons that a man could have, minus having a bunch of hormones telling me that I need to get hitched.

I'm not getting married to check off some figurative box.

I'm not getting married because someone told me I have to, because I'm expected to do so.

I'm not getting married just so I don't have to be lonely.

I want to have a companion by my side at all times, one I can confide in, one I can raise a posterity with, one I can love with all of my heart.

I want to have a marriage that can truly have the Lord's blessing.

Most importantly, I want to have a marriage that can last in the eternities, that can have "eternal increase".

I know that, if nothing else, those last two things could never happen with another man. As controversial a statement as this may be, "traditional marriage" and same-sex marriage are not the same thing. If two men or two women are in love, that's one thing. But to call any such union between them a marriage goes against the very purpose marriage was established in the first place. Any two men or two women can live in complete harmony with the Gospel. Love is something that has been romanticized and sexualized with greater intensity with the passing of time, which causes a great deal of strife, confusion, and trouble. Sex and romance have much greater significance when left for the right time and circumstances.

Now, you might be asking me, "Is this really fair to her? How's that supposed to work?"

This is my argument: I have a tendency to put other's needs before my own. I feel I possess a great deal of respect for women and their role in society. I have already actively abstained from infidelity now, before I've even met her. I would do anything in my power to make her happy, and would avoid anything that would unnecessarily upset her. I would be very open and vulnerable about my experiences and emotions, and would expect her to do the same (and isn't that every woman's dream?). You could ask my mom if there was any doubt about any of these things.

Plus, I've been legitimately attracted to, and seriously interested in pursuing a relationship with certain girls in the past. I don't have to be attracted to every woman out there for it to work.

Anywho, I have more I'm sure I could add, but I'm absolutely positive that it will be one of the best decisions of my life.

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